This song speaks to me about something we all go through as intelligent and empathetic creatures on this earth… reaching an end point, feeling the loss of direction, and then shifting into a return of soulful connection. It’s a difficult subject to communicate, and a rare quality with immense power when it is expressed. Will you please listen to the sweet harmonies and feel into the beautiful lyrics of this song?
On this website, you may notice a lot of apparent happiness with fun pictures and glamorous appeal. I want you to know that I am authentically happy to be sharing these practices and posts with you. But at the root of practicing yoga there is pain, suffering, and a search for answers and wellbeing. I can assure you that I have not spent my life pursuing this path because I wanted to be beautiful, or to be glamorous, or even because I wanted to be happy.
I wanted to be free from pain, I wanted to discover my life purpose, and I wanted to embrace love.
As you may know, I recently took a trip to New Mexico. Just me and my dog. We hit the highway with a Yeti cooler (borrowed from a friend) stocked with a weekend’s worth of food from Trader Joe’s and Violet’s puppy chow and food bowl. We drove for 10 hours – in silence with no CD or radio – to a tiny desert town, and stayed at a humble hot springs retreat where Violet was welcome in the room with me.
I had reached an end point, which was a good thing because there were patterns and habits in my life that needed to end. I needed to deeply heal my mind and my body. And it happened. It did not happen like magic. It happened more like the grace of god providing me with an immense depth of compassion.
It’s difficult to describe. Kind of like a song…
People sometimes think that once you become a yoga teacher or reach a certain level of practice that you’re “perfect” or that you know enough to transcend suffering. People want to become yoga teachers ALL the time because THEN they will be on the right path. Well, I know enough about myself (and plenty of other yoga teachers) to tell you that in the long run, it’s a rough journey on the “right path.”
The symbol of Yin and Yang expresses this clearly. The seed source of darkness is surrounded by light, and the seed source of light is surrounded by darkness. In other words, there is darkness on the path to connecting with the source of light.
So, I arrived at that flat and arid desert with my dog and I spent 3 days in dark steamy rooms soaking in hot mineral waters that naturally flowed from deep within the earth. I cried, and I journaled, and I studied, and I began the process of severing what was hurting me, and what was holding me back from my journey towards my self and soul purpose.
What was it that was holding me back? I can’t at this moment explicitly say. But what I can say, is that I felt disconnected from my ability to share who I am and all that I have to offer with the people in my life, the people who come to my classes, and the people on this website.
The process of self transformation is a mystery to me. It’s hard to explain. That is why art, and music, and yoga, and other forms of self expression are so vital to the process of transformation. Because maybe the process of transformation is supposed to be a mystery, and something that doesn’t warrant an explanation. Maybe transformation is something that rather needs to be felt, to be experienced, or to be moved.
The lyrics that linger with me from this song are:
“And the sun keeps giving it away. The sun keeps giving it away. The sun keeps giving as much as it can.”
“And I keep giving it away. I can’t keep giving it away like I am.”
I feel that we, as human beings, have to give up sometimes. We have to turn around, and acknowledge that the darkness can take us to the source of light if we ask for help, for clarity, and for direction.
Especially if we are living on pavement, or on eggshells… we need to feel the radiance of the sun, and to reflect on the luminosity of the moon. It also helps to bow in adoration and reverence to spiritual connection, time and time again. Maybe even to bathe in hot springs and wrap yourself in a warm embrace of self care.
And so, dear reader, I want you to know that I have asked from a place of deep intention to be set free into self expression, into teaching, and into connecting with communities to keep current in this life with what matters most… authenticity, alignment, and peace.
If for no other reason than, “the sun keeps giving it away” … and here I am alive another day in its radiance.